12 Years and Suicide Still Burns

Granpa Don Granny

 Well January 17 and its a day we should be celebrating. Instead we are just feeling the emptiness, the loneliness and the sorrow of having lost our Boy to suicide.  He was 20 when he died by suicide. We should be immune or at least not as bitter or angry over the suicide. We should be grateful we at least had some good memories of our Boy. We shouldn't be in grief after all its been years. We should be "moving on", "letting go". I agree we should be better by now.

We try, yes we try. We have the annual Feasts, birthday's, death day we did the Give-Away. We made a monument at home about him. We have his picture on the wall. It doesn't take away the hurt. Our family has namesakes as well; a nephew, a grandson and our grand-daughter all carry his name. Still we mourn.  We cherish the songs that remind of us of him. We tell the funny stories and remember him. Still there is a hidden sadness when we laugh for him.

The suicide still haunts us; the unanswered questions, the mistakes we made, the regrets of passed hurts with him. We think about who hurt him as well. When we hurt him. Oh how we could do anything to change the past and fix things. We remember the pain when another suicide takes place somewhere out there. We see it in the news on social media. We feel for them. We know what will come. We get angry at the empty gestures of  politic names and faces. We get angry know one cares. We get angry as we are not seeking pity. We just want our Boy.

Suicide is not a singular act. It is an act which flows and flows throughout your family.

We apologize for taking your time and bringing you into our day. We want to bring you when there are better and good things to shout about. Joy, we should be speaking of joy. We do have joy in our lives its not all sorrow.

On a happier note: